When faced with decisions about care for their elderly parents, siblings often argue amongst each other. In this blog, we discuss some of the most typical issues siblings fight about and advise on how to approach them better.
Disagreement about how much care is needed
Siblings, especially adult ones, don’t see eye to eye when it comes to caregiving. For instance, one child may think that their parents are doing completely fine at home, while another child might have the impression that they require extra help. This is more prevalent in a family whose members live geographically far away or spend varying amounts of their time with elderly loved ones.
Solution: Consult an expert
This issue can be easily and quickly resolved with an outsider’s opinion. You can arrange for a geriatric care manager that can come to your loved ones’ house for a safety assessment. Moreover, you should see your parent’s general physician and talk about their recent decline in health and growing physical difficulties.
Arguments between siblings about how much care is needed can be prevented if there is a clarification from a professional health care provider. This can also help in determining the next steps regarding your loved one’s health.
Solution: Do research on personal home care
Whence the care needs are agreed upon and established, the next move is to decide who is going to provide the care. A good choice could be a senior living community, and if you think so, then there are some senior living advisors you can consult. They have due experience in matching elderly needs and preferences with communities across the UK.
If it is decided upon that your parents or loved one will stay at home, then all siblings can pitch in and help ranging from regular visits and financial assistance. If anyone of you considers taking on caregiving full-time, read some blogs on the duties of a caregiver to better grasp the role and its requirements.
Heavy lifting is done by only one child
The child has the most intense emotional relationship with their ageing parents, or happens to live nearby will automatically assume the primary role of the caregiver. At times, the main caregiver can feel alone, overwhelmed, and depressed when other members of the family don’t offer to help.
Solution: Ask for help and communicate your needs
It may not be obvious to members of the family just how challenging the task of caregiving has become for you, if you keep them at a distance. Although your role as a chief caregiver becomes inevitable sometimes, due to certain family dynamics.
If you and the siblings have never had an intimate relationship with your parent or all your siblings live far away, they might be unable to provide real-life support. Find ways and suggest how they can help from afar. This can include things like scheduling appointments, taking care of finances, preparing meals, or just being there emotionally.
Exclusion from the decision-making process
Often, one kid hogs all the caregiving responsibilities and leaves others in the dark about their elderly parents. They may even limit access to the ageing loved one.
Solution: Consult with the authorities if need be, talk to your siblings and parents
Communicate to your siblings about your wish to get involved in caregiving via email, hand-written letters, or even a phone call, if possible. However, if you and the caregiving sibling are not on good terms then, try to maintain communication with your loved one through phone, letters, or emails.Nevertheless, if your sibling is acting as a barrier and preventing you from seeing your parents, and you believe that there may be involvement of abuse or exploitation, call the local police or adult protective services so they can intervene.
Siblings refuse to get involved
Siblings, sometimes, may not be able to understand what their parent needs or simply choose to ignore what they need. Other times, however, children can refuse to take care of an ageing parent, due in part to dysfunctional or negative relationships of the past or their current incapacity to do so.
Solution: Understand the difference in point of views and opinions
If you think that your siblings just might not be aware of the efforts you put in and have reason to believe so then try setting up video calls or small visits or get help from a doctor to better explain the gravity of the situation.It could be that your siblings are reluctant to help due to childhood trauma or their current situation, and they are allowed to do so. Look for ways to get them involved differently like see if they are willing to help with finances, or with emotional backup, even if they refuse to interact with elderly parents.Care at home services can help make this transition easier for you and your parents. You can trust their experienced caregivers to provide your loved ones with diligent care for their varying needs.
